Not all marriages end up "happily ever after-ing." Whether a divorce is civilized or acrimonious, there's no benefit derived from depriving your children of a memory bank of joy. It takes some healing on our part as adults [and this exercise may even promote it], but for their sakes, try to get to a place where you can share with your kids the vision - the dream - that began it all. Try not to let the heartbreak and bitterness of the end, despoil the beginning.
Think of a ride in a brightly colored hot air balloon. The jubilation of the launch, excitement of the lift, and thrill of the vistas revealed as you soar aloft, needn't be erased by its eventual deflation and descent. Don't relinquish the joy.
Even IF there is no philosophical answer for "why;" even IF someone else seems to have derailed the future; even IF all the doors to the planned tomorrows have closed, let your children know the love that inspired your union at the outset. Recapture the dream; revisit the excitement; reclaim the vision; reassure them of the love that begat them. At first it may feel uncomfortable or disingenuous, but eventually it becomes easier. The softening of your heart allows you to see the effect of this sharing.
Eventually you'll be able to pull out the old pictures. Watch your children's faces [even if they're adults themselves now] as you effectively give them permission to remember the good times. You may need to rewrite your plans for the future, but you also have the chance to reclaim the good memories of the past. Not allowing the end to taint the beginning is the gift of grace. Give it to yourself. Give it to your children. You'll all soar again.
No comments:
Post a Comment