LISTENING EARS and THINKING HAT

Rather than asking all day long, “Are you using your listening ears?” you might want to try a slightly different approach.  After all, how’s that been working for you?!

Posing a rhetorical question to a little one is confusing to them and [the results can be] frustrating for the adult.

Most children have thought processes that are still quite literal.  They know they heard you ask a question.  They might just be thinking, “of course I’m using my listening ears, but I’m not actually going to DO what you requested [or quit what you forbade].” 

Not responding appropriately to a parent’s “listening ears” question, isn’t necessarily defiance; it’s just a logical response to a half-asked question.  They may even smile sweetly and sincerely answer, “Yes!  I have them on.”

But the second shoe hasn’t dropped.  What do you want to HAPPEN?  The reality is that you want them to accomplish something (pick up their toys) or stop some undesirable behavior (teasing the dog).

This does NOT mean that you are supposed to repeat a request or directive …because they’ve probably heard it lots of times already any way.   A mere repetition is better replaced by a calm, “What did I say?”  Then pause and watch them actively remember.  The more often we repeat ourselves, the more likely children [employees, spouses] are to wait until the 2^nd or 3^rd time.  At that point you might logically wonder who is training who.

Be honest!  Do you really just want them to put on their listening ears as you’ve suggested by your question, OR is it actually a 2-stage process?   Let’s encourage our children to be results oriented.  Let them know there’s more to it than just the listening piece.

Here’s a little chant that works wonders: “One, two.  Listen and do.”  Make it sing-songy and repeat it until kids not only engage their listening ears, but put on their thinking hats.  Additionally helpful for little ones are the signs of touching ears (on 1), then (on 2) opening both palms forward as if moving towards accomplishing a task.  Kids love doing this.  Let them lead the way on the doing part.  It tends to  become a fulfilling game.  After a while, all you need to do is warble, “One, two…”  with your voice trailing up in happy expectation.

Bossing, micromanaging, yelling, threatening are unnecessary and ineffective tools compared to a song.

It’s hard for anyone to be angry or defiant when they [or you] are singing.