MAGIC WORDS

To reduce frustration, it might be helpful to determine if you or your child is being trained to say “please” and “thank you.”  If they already know what the expectation is, do they really need to be asked, “What’s the magic word?” or ”What do you say?” or “How many times have I told you to say please and thank you?” [By the way, that’s not really a question, is it?]

Have you inadvertently created a game they’re now playing with you?  Has it become a dance the two of you are doing?  Do you want to continue reminding your child about this until s/he walks down the aisle, or do you want allow them to be responsible for doing their own remembering?  I have to think that future teachers, employers, and spouses would appreciate your making a shift now.

The necessary adjustment isn’t difficult.  If the adult waits with a knowing smile [taking a nice deep breathe sometimes helps with this], child is actually permitted to THINK about how to make the desired action come to pass, or to have the desired object placed in his/her hands.  Occasionally a quizzical look accompanied by, “Pardon me…” or even, “What…?” will jog their memories.  When the adult voice trails off elliptically, the child may begin to realize that there’s more to come.  And when it becomes clear that it’s not coming from the adult, there’s only one other possibility:  The child!

If the adult responds to “I want…” they are reinforcing this form of dependence [constant reminding] and encouraging lazy thinking.   Why does a child have to think if the adult is constantly reminding him/her.   To keep it fun – especially with younger children - they can learn to replace their demand of “I want” with the sound of a braying baby goat:  “Maaaaaaaaaay I have a cracker, please?”  Notice how it moves from a demand to a request and provides communication with a smile.

Baby sign language for these magic words is a simple and effective way of teaching these important social skills to even our pre-verbal and non-verbal children.  It provides them [and us] with a feeling of accomplishment and independence…and provides us with one less thing to do.