I’VE NOTICED…

Here’s a simple strategy for improving relationships, behaviors, attitudes, and communication with kids, spouses, relatives, service personnel, and business associates.  It’s not rocket science, promotes empathy, requires little creativity, gets easier with practice, fosters selflessness, and is supported by little more than a nice big breath and a smile.

“I’ve noticed…” repeated twice each day, without judgment, is a great deposit into the relationship account of virtually anyone with whom you come into contact.   You can notice any number of positive things, WITHOUT interjecting your opinion:

…you’re a twin.

…you like to draw.

…you wore your black shoes.

…you’re a fast runner.

…people listen to you when you talk.

…you have a sister.

DON’T end with  “…and that’s terrific!” [judgment]  or  “…it’s about time!” [criticism].

It’s not about “catching them doing it right.”  It’s about caring enough to focus on them as a person.

Photo by Gil Feliciano

Deliver this neutral statement when you’re both calm - with a smile and maybe a passing pat on the shoulder.  Be gentle, be subtle, be discreet, be sincere.  It’s a “touch and go” that transforms, uplifts, and (sometimes) mystifies…but it brings results.  Within a few weeks you’ll notice a magical shift in attitude, as the object of your attention realizes that you see him/her as a unique human being.   You’ll find that you’re making the world a better place one observation at a time.

Christie Clarke