IT Parenting Syndrome
You've seen it often enough, kids trailing along behind their designated adult through parking lots, across busy streets, down the aisles of Wal-Mart as the parent focuses intently on the task at hand - texting or talking on their phones! Only yesterday, I found still another casualty of the IT parenting syndrome clinging to my thigh as I stood in line at MacDonald’s...my own grand daughter standing with a big tear rolling down her cheek and a shaky little voice saying "someone ran into me."
At five, this normally fearless child had been mowed down by a ten year old Kamikaze whose aggressive game of hide and seek with her twin brother had expanded from the play room into the whole restaurant. As this pair exploded out of restrooms, ducked behind doors, jumped over the stools and ran at breakneck speed around the tables, their father sat en-grossed [pun intended] in a phone conversation. From his seat in the playroom, he occasionally looked up and waved his one free, tattooed arm furiously and screamed threats at the top of his voice then went back to his obvious priority – his phone call. The young manager who had been informed of the problem was intimidated by the now furious father, leaving the other adults to collect their own charges under their wings like protective hens and one-by-one scuttle their broods out of the establishment.
On one of their circuits past our table I motioned them over and asked if they’d mind being careful of the other smaller customers. I saw sweet faces of potentially compliant children who seemed genuinely surprised that they’d been creating a problem for others.
We consumed our Happy Meals® and safely retreated to our SUV to continue our day, leaving the distracted and ultimately impotent dad and his sadly ignored and enabled kids to their “dance of power” that no one ever wins: they do; he says; they do again; he shouts; they do again; he threatens; they do again; he explodes, etc., etc.
I wondered how important that phone call really was. A deal breaker? A job saver? A life saver? A marriage saver?
What were the chances that his kids would ever walk over and say, “Daddy dear, we want to see how far we have to go to see the veins stick out of your neck and prove that we are in charge”? OR “Oh, Father, would you mind interacting with us and giving us your undivided attention for a few moments so we wouldn’t have to use extreme, obnoxious and risky behavior so that you’d notice us?”
When applied to parenting interactions (or lack thereof), rather than being the standard abbreviation for internet technology, IT might more aptly be short for ignore-ant technology. Parents that fall for the enticement of technological connectivity in lieu of direct contact with their kids are the ones who end up wondering: why don’t my kids listen to me…respect me…focus on what I’m saying…do what I tell them to? I would imagine their teachers are wondering the same things!
So if that “Smart Phone” keeps you from being smart enough to interact with your children while you have the opportunity, your “texting” keeps you from operating in the context of real time, or your Blackberry darkens that direct channel of communication with those around you…put ‘em down and look at the faces of the ones who are looking to you for affection, direction, modeling, and human contact. The window of opportunity is a small one. You’ll turn around and find those kids grown and gone, leaving you musing over where the time went, what more you could had shared, how much you miss them.
Do it now. Rediscover the joy of intentional connection and focused caring. It’s an investment you’ll never regret…neither will they, their teachers, their spouses, their employees, their kids.
