PUT SOME TEETH IN IT!

[Life Is Too Short To Fight in the Bathroom]

Yes, life will get more complex.  Yes, there will be major challenges.  Yes, sometimes life or death issues will loom.  But for now most parents of younger children would be happy just to get their kids to brush their teeth. 

At one workshop we met one such mom who was at her wit’s end with her 6 year old.  For nearly half a decade she’d tried helping, demonstrating, brow-beating, role modeling, screaming, threatening, reasoning, arguing (the standard parent skill set).   Nothing had worked.  Flavored dentifrice, vibrating apprentice, tunes, textures, timers – nothing!  

It had evolved into the classic nightly Mom vs. Kid control contest, and guess which one of them was unhappy.  Georgie was having control, while Mom was having a conniptic fit!  It had reached the point where, in frustration, she actually grabbed the tooth brush [while still in his hand] and smashed the paste onto the shaking brush!

“Are you going to brush now?!” she screamed. 

Photo by Ruthie Hansen

“YES!” he responded in a matching tone, and he did.  But not before knocking the paste off into the sink.

She said she might have blacked out at that point because she doesn’t remember what she did next.  Perhaps her head just exploded.

A suggestion was proffered that she break the cycle of crazy-making.  What was Georgie’s favorite thing in the world?  Going fishing!  So rather than tell him what HE was going to do, Mom was going to change her approach.  Her new script was, “Boys who brush their teeth every night before bed go fishing with Daddy on Saturday.” 

To say she was skeptical is an understatement.  She mumbled her parting words as she left the meeting: “It’ll never work.”

At our next meeting when I asked her how it had gone, she struggled for words.  With eyes open wide in astonishment she described Georgie’s response: “Cool.  Can I put stickers on the calendar so I can remember?”  And the war was over!

Working smarter, not harder, Mom had been willing to finally share some control and ended up with all of it.  Saturday was blissful.  Georgie had his self respect, clean teeth, fun with Dad, and a trout!

For smaller children, a musical approach to sparkling teeth and stress free brushing is:

THE TOOTH BRUSHING SONG

(sung to “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”)

Brush, brush, brush your teeth.

Brush them left and right.

Brush them up and brush them down

To keep them clean and bright.

Parents can stand next to the brusher and sing 2 or 3 verses.  If he’s old enough you can let the child decide [more control sharing].  After a while the words, “Go brush your teeth” become extinct as the parent needs only begin to hum the little tune and smile :)

Another Dad began singing the A,B,C song to his little boy [tune of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”] when there were only a couple of baby teeth in his tiny mouth.  Now that incisors and molars are in place, Jack not only has sparkling teeth but a memorized alphabet…sung twice through at each brushing. No need to say “keep brushing” when you know you have to “sing with me” the second time before putting the brush down.  And who doesn’t love hearing a daddy sing?

One clever mom announced to her hesitant brusher, “I give dessert to kids who brush their teeth every night,” and posted a colorful chart by the sink to track the progress.  Notice Mom has said what SHE will do – not what HER CHILD has to do…and he got to pick which stickers to use on “his” chart.

And, depending upon the brusher’s age, how about a litany of small choices that empower the child and ennoble the adult as you head toward the goal line of clean teeth together? Breathe first then say…

Do you want to:

…brush first and have me brush second?

…have me put on the toothpaste or do you want to do it?

…start on the bottom teeth or the top?

…have me sing A,B,C two or three times?

…use your left hand or your right?

Give two choices – either of which are positive and will get the job done.

These choices are NOT helpful:

…brush or have your teeth rot away.

…brush or you can’t go to Disneyland.

…brush or I’ll make sure you’ll never eat candy again.

…brush or I’ll just have the dentist pull them out!

Try to remember that in years to come, you’ll relish the days when trying to assure a sparkling smile was your only problem.  Take another breath and repeat the old adage, “This too shall pass.”