KISS MY MOM

The concept of parenting across cultures can be a challenge…and it’s not just the words we use.    Picture this: a simultaneously translated parenting workshop series at The Boys and Girls Club of Elgin.  With two facilitators (1 English and 1 Spanish speaking), we’re having more fun –and success – than we’d imagined possible.  Everyone wants a more peaceful family, less shouting, more listening, less stress, more kindness.

One dad complained at our first class that their house was full of yelling.  Nothing seemed to get through to their teenage sons. He was getting tired of trying to “make” his kids behave and felt resigned to suffer: “It’s just what happens when kids go to high school.” 

The concept of modeling the behavior you want to see was a light bulb moment, and he announced his determination to change HIS pattern of behaviour, rather than focus on the rebellion and escalating violence at home.

 

Although he wanted to see more respect and more love, he didn’t know where to start.  Old patterns are hard to break.

“Do you think I should kiss my wife?” was a question for which I was unprepared. I wondered if Ruby had mistranslated it for me!  Dad went on to confide that, although married 15 years, he had never kissed his wife in front of his sons. It just wasn’t done in his family of origin.  His wife nodded in quiet agreement.  Although she couldn’t explain it to me directly because of the language barrier, her sadness was obvious.  I suggested he give it a try.

Two smiling parents sat in the front row the next week and reported an astonishing turn-around.  “My sons have changed.  They stopped yelling and if I forget, they remind me to kiss their mom every day!”  Dad had gone home and told his son that starting now he was changing the way he [Dad] treated Mom.  “I love her so much, and I love you so much.  I’m going to give your momma kisses and hugs every day.  She’ll save them up and when I’m dead, you go to her and you will have them forever!”

Week after week the good news continues. “Still kissing every day…my sons, too.  My wife doesn’t have to clean the bathrooms anymore!” he announced with pride and delight.  “We let our boys take turns.  And they can wash the clothes.  She shouldn’t have to work so hard.  We’re a family!”

Oh, the power of a good example. Oh, the power of love. 

The smile on Momma’s face needed no translation.